Merging Families

Within that vital first year of marriage so much has to be bridged between to individuals. You have to merge your finances, your traditions, your belongings, the duties in the home, working out the kinks of communication, deciding on family rules, among many other things, simply how to live together. These are some delegate situations would you agree?

Who’s family will we spend Christmas with?

How will we handle the bills and budgets? What can we now afford?

Where will we put your things? Do we have enough things? Do we have too much for our living space?

Where are we going to live?

Who is taking out the trash?

How would we raise children?

Not easy questions to just answer off the top of your head. Two grown adults in love, who made the decision to be together for the rest of their live struggle with this throughout that first vital year. Now think about adding two separate families into that situation? How do you effectively combine to families so that everyone at the end of the day is happy, and loves being together?

There, I am sure, many different methods that can be taken when approaching a delegate situation like this one. One that I feel might be one of the most effective would be family counsel. We have discussed in class several different times the importance and effectiveness of a family counsel. When approaching situations as a team, not as individuals, families might find that everyone is much more willing to abide by a new set, or merge of family rules and life style if they have a proper, and even say in the matter.

How would you approach the situation?

Abuse

Something that no one wants to think about. No one wants to talk about. We all do our very best to pretend like it never happens. Abuse. The ugly side of humanity that everyone prays will never be apart of their lives. But what do we do when it is?

How do we handle abuse within the family? How can we possibly help someone who is has been abused outside the family? I wish that I had perfect answers to this question. We have been talking about abuse in class and all the sad truths that come with abuse. Working through abuse is never something that is an easy thing, it can’t be. But something that struck me when discussing it is the idea that change can happen. Change can happen when the problem is addressed and handled with love, compassion, honesty, and choosing to rise as the victor in a horrible situation. When we begin to look at ourselves, and labeling individuals as victims, that is when we make the battle 10 times harder. Coming out of being a victim empowers the family to move past what is a heart wrenching so situation and believing that there is a way out. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. That is a beautiful thought in such a muck of a situation.

Say What?

“Communication, communication, communication.”

That’s how the saying goes isn’t it…?

This week we have been focusing on communication and my world is being rocked. Being able to communicate with your spouse or significant other is so crucial in any kind of relationship, something that I am learning quickly. This is something that we hear all the time though right? Well consider this statement that I read from a scholarly textbook:

What you actually does not mean nearly as much as what the other person believes that you say.

Consider that. We may be talking to each other all day long, but if we  are not finding appropriate ways to communicate, we are only hearing what we want to hear, not what is actually being said.

If we can learn to communicate with one another, there is a whole world of things that can now be accomplished. A whole world.

Parenting

What is more scary than the idea of parenting? You are raising a child to enter into the world, and every choice you make in how you parent will possibly have a lasting effect on your child. So how do you parent? What are the best strategies to insure that you will not completely screw up your child? Is there even a good answer to this question? We have been discussing this quite a bit and there is something that I has stuck out to me most heavily. This being validation. I think that there is no solid perfect way to parent every child, because every child is so very different. However, I think that when you choose to work with your child and to always try and validate what they are thinking and feeling before redirecting the child will begin to understand and see that they are important. Their opinion matters to you, and you believe that they have purpose. This does not mean that you condone everything that a child my do. There are things that are always going to be inappropriate and will need some redirection or consequence from a loving parent, but also to know that what they are feeling IS valid. They matter, they are respected. This is so important. I have been contemplating how different I would be if this was something that was implicated with my by my very own parents.

#Lovewins

We have been living in a very interesting time when it comes to love and the family unit. There has been a significant, and constant change in the way people view equality and the family. A popular tag on Facebook right now is the hashtag #lovewins.

This is a sensitive subject that I believe should be approached with caution on every end and in every side. What does it mean to say that love wins? If love was winning then no one would ridicule any other person because of their moral beliefs and standards. In my personal opinion I do not believe that people are typically born with same sex attraction, I believe that they are born with more tendencies to be different, which society has pushed that that means you must have same sex attraction. Regardless of my beliefs, or anyone opposing beliefs, wouldn’t ‘love win’ if we were choosing to love and respect everyone around us? Not just the people who agree with you and your views on who you choose to love.

Newly Wed’s

La la la newly wed’s. What a beautifully blissful time! According to movies at least. What all is included in that first year of being a blissful newly wed? When you take the time to examine that first year there a bit more to it than a honeymoon and opening presents. This is the time that you learn how to work together in every aspect of your lives. This is when you have to learn what it is like to actually live with this person. This is when you begin to learn what it means to be in love with someone you may not always like all the time. Something that I think is extremely interesting is how the marital satisfaction can change when a child might be brought into the picture.  Studies have shown that the marital satisfaction decreases with the first child. Why is this? Suddenly you are now getting use to living with another little human, and suddenly stresses begin to run a little high. Personally I have watched my sweet sister and her husband’s marriage take on some changes with their first child. I have learned so much from watching her.

When a child is brought into the equation new responsibilities are brought to life, and a division of attention is becoming more and more clear. In some situations women might go through a bit of a phase where they have a hard time sharing the love with both the husband and the new baby that she might be having some separation anxiety with.

Transition Into Marriage

We have been discussing the different things that come with transitioning from a dating life into a married life. I am currently a student at BYU-Idaho. If any of you are familiar with the different stereotypes of BYU-Idaho then you might be familiar with the typical saying, ‘BYU-I-Do’. We love to marry people off here. We marry young, and we marry quick. Some think that it is crazy, some think that it is inspired, but I believe that if you do it right, it is beautiful. However, when talking about some of the transitions that must be taken into consideration before we hop into that stereotype. Some of the different things we discussed that are included in the transition are:

How would you handle family holidays?

How would you handle finances?

Who would be the main provider?

What type of parenting styles do you believe in?

How would you handle the intimate relationships?

And many many more. So how do you teach people the importance of learning and exploring these in an appropriate way before you are married? Can you learn to do this with more than one person? Food for thought.